Tips on how to develop your daughter's growth mindset
How to encourage girls' interest in tech — Newsletter No.27
Last week, we learned that if a girl has a growth mindset, it deletes the impacts of negative stereotypes. And that the brain can be trained to have a growth mindset.
So, this week we will suggest how to help your child build a growth mindset!
What is a growth mindset? Simply, it’s helping your child think: “I Can’t do That…Yet”.
Before we dig in, just a quick reminder about the research we featured in the previous newsletter. Two studies showed that girls generally underperform when they are under the pressure of the math-gender stereotype. But, this impact can be deleted with a growth mindset. The best part is that even a couple-hour growth mindset training can delete the effects of the stereotype threat even for the girls previously identified as students with a fixed mindset.
How to build a growth mindset?
A growth mindset is having the belief that we can improve our intelligence and strengthen our skills by putting in effort and facing challenges. So, this is generally a great thing to develop — here is a few tips how:
Praise the process, not the result!
Praise your child for the efforts he or she puts into a task, not just the outcome itself.
Feedback like, “You worked so hard!”, “That seemed tough but you stuck with it!” or “You are getting better at this every day — the effects of the practice are visible” are some examples of how to praise the process. This gives your child a sense of accomplishment about their perseverance.
Studies have shown that when parents used “process praise” like this with children who were between ages 1 to 3 years old, the children were more likely to have a growth mindset 5 years later.
Have just one thing in mind. Parents sometimes say, “You worked so hard” when the kid didn’t. This can be counterproductive.
Teach about the brain and how it works
Once kids understand that the brain grows new connections as they practice and learn how to do something, they get excited about the learning process. Here you can find a structured way to do so. Or you can read one of the books mentioned below.
Show your struggles
It’s a natural tendency since we want to protect them. But in this case, showing your struggles can be a lifelong gift to your children.
So try talking about your mistakes – even parenting mistakes – and what you’ve learned from them. One characteristic of a growth mindset is viewing failure as a springboard for growth. When children see our failures and hear us working through them – using them as a springboard for growth – they will be better equipped to do the same.
Don’t be overbearing
Experiments show that when adults step in to take over a challenging task, kids are more likely to give up sooner on the next one. Why? If you swoop in to help, you imply they’re not capable.
Talk about the path to success
Make sure kids know that success is like the tip of the iceberg and that the underlying work is what is underneath the water. You can use this when talking about other student’s work product, results in sports, etc.
Encourage them to reflect
In one study ninth graders who spent 15-20 minutes writing about a failure and how it changed them for the better or a success story and what they did to make it happen, demonstrated greater academic persistence and got better grades. The effect lasted for weeks before fading. Engaging kids in this sort of reflection exercise can get a persistence and resilience boost.
Get more detailed with this guide
In this 4-week guide, you will find the key elements for establishing a growth mindset at home (or in the classroom). Each week offers a variety of suggested activities and resources, as well as suggested scripts to facilitate easy and fun discussions with your child or students. You can find it here.
Read them these books
Here are some books that are written with the growth mindset in mind — the order is by age group:
Making a Splash – Growth Mindset for Kids by Carol Reiley (2-5 yo)
When Pigs Fly by Valerie Coulman (2-6 yo)
I Knew You Could: A Book for All Stops in Your Life by Craig Dorfman (3-6 yo)
Your Fantastic Elastic Brain: Stretch It, Shape It By JoAnn Deak (4-8 yo)
Bubble Gum Brain by Julia Cook (4-8 yo)
A Walk in the Rain with a Brain by Edward Hallowell (4-8 yo)
Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn for Kids by John C. Maxwell (4-8 yo)
My Day Is Ruined! A Story Teaching Flexible Thinking by Bryan Smith (5-10 yo)
But, don’t overdo it
Keep in mind that there are limits to how much hard work is healthy. Researchers warn that growth mindset messaging can contribute to “grind culture” in high-achieving schools. Kids often need to stop and try a different tack, and they should be encouraged to ask for input when needed. This is where it’s an art and not a science. Let them problem-solve and build up a frustration tolerance, but provide enough support so they don’t get to the point where they throw it across the room.
J. Luke Wood, a professor of education at San Diego State University, says a growth mindset assumes that children have a baseline level of confidence in their ability, “and what you find is that with students of color, many of them have never heard someone say, ‘You are intelligent, you are capable.’” In fact, the reverse may be true. They don’t see themselves reflected in positions of power in the wider world the way white children do.
This is also true for girls. The four different studies show that, by the age of 6, girls are less likely than boys to believe that members of their gender are “really, really smart”—a child-friendly way of referring to brilliance.
So — as Professor J. Luke Wood says:
You can validate the effort that they put in, their perseverance, but you also have to give them that life-giving message that they are capable.
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